“GIVE ME THE F#@$ING EPIDURAL!!!”
I was in the mirror practicing. I wanted to be fully prepared when the time came to get this baby out of me. Staring at my reflection, I noticed my angry eyebrows weren’t drawn together enough… I should work on that.
Anyway, threat practicing aside, aren’t you ecstatic?!! We are pregnant and have a wonderful journey ahead of us. Well to be honest, I’m a little less than thrilled. You see, pregnancy hasn’t always been kind to me, and although I’m a repeat customer, the service hasn’t been up to par.
This time I’d like some company… you interested? Great! Join me as I go off script to discuss symptoms, myths, fetal development, sex, doctor visits and why my 2 year old keeps yelling “PU$$Y”. I don’t care if this is your first pregnancy or you’ve had so many they let you perform your own ultrasounds… I’m just ready to get started. Let’s make some babies shall we?